Pole Barn Security: Plan to Zombie Proof

Pole Barn Guru Blog

Or how to keep the undead minions at bay…..and yes, Halloween is upon us…

Prepared for a zombie apocalypse? Sure it sounds silly, but even the US Center For Disease Control (CDC) now has a page devoted to preparing for a zombie apocalypse https://www.bt.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_Blog.asp  The CDC’s page mainly covers items one should have on hand for any disaster but doesn’t really go into how to enforce pole barn security and keeping the zombies out.

Alarm systems won’t stop zombies. While installing an alarm system might be a great idea, it won’t prevent a zombie from breaking in. An alarm system is only good for notifying the police and your neighbors who may have already been turned into zombies. I would rather keep the undead out of my building rather than being alerted by a shrill alarm as they are preparing to eat me.

I’ve been broken into before (by thieves, not zombies), and it isn’t fun. The mess and the feelings of an invasion of privacy were far worse than the fairly worthless items which were taken.

In my post-break-in research, I found most criminals (and zombies) don’t bother trying to pick a lock or break a window; they just give the entry door one or two strong kicks and drive the deadbolt through the door jamb. Simple, effective, and quick. Zombies in particular love to kick things and use the sheer force of their undead will to break down your door.

Most pole buildings are constructed with man (OK – person) doors, which may as well have signs on them, “Break in here”. Why? Because building owners and builders all too often look at this as a place to save money – “penny wise and pound foolish”. Bargain basement doors have wood jambs which will be destroyed in an instant by any self-respecting zombie.

Good pole barn security means spending the money on a solid steel commercial entry door pre-hung in an all steel jamb. Now these doors will not prevent shooting a large caliber bullet through the door at a zombie, it will keep the honest ones out!

Sliding doors….I can design a zombie proof sliding door, however having to remove large quantities of lag screws from the door to open it, becomes inconvenient at best. Sliding doors are great for animal barns, as they are low cost and can be opened partially to allow for ventilation. When it comes to security, most sliding doors seal only tight enough to let the neighbor’s cat in! Zombies are going to be looking at sliding doors as a place for easy access.

Designing with sectional steel overhead doors, rather than sliding doors affords advantages other than just keeping zombies out. Besides sealing tightly, they can be insulated and hooked to a remote electric opener.

Both thieves and resourceful zombies love to smash their way into things with baseball bats. If they can’t get in through a door their next choice is a window. Luckily, pole barns are often not finished on the inside, and huge amounts of natural light can be added with the use of polycarbonate eave or ridge lights. About the only way the zombies are going to get to the polycarbonate is with scaling ladders.

Zombies can pound their heads and fists at your security laminate-protected windows for days and your windows will likely still hold up without breaking. You can have the laminate installed professionally or you can purchase a DIY kit for about $500 US that should cover most windows in an average sized home.

If you heed the advice above, hopefully the zombie’s will move on and break into the neighbor’s pole barn instead. Just remember, an ounce of prevention now may be worth a pound of cure later for compromised pole barn security. Keep up with all the latest zombie outbreaks and zombie-related news at https://www.zombieresearch.org.

 

 

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